THIS ISSUE

Do you have Fren-vy?

Your friend has just won the lottery/met a fabulous man/bought a whole new Prada wardrobe. You want to be pleased for her but jealousy is eating you up. How can you survive ‘friend envy’ (aka ‘Fren-vy’)? Anna Moore investigates

You think you’re fine. You’re pretty happy with your looks/your lover/your lot. Then, out of left field, something wonderful happens that changes everything. Not to you, though – to your friend. And you are far from happy.

Maybe she lands a dream job and a pay rise, or writes three chapters of a novel, bags a £450,000 book deal and rockets into another financial stratosphere.

Perhaps she loses two stone and looks fantastic. Or effortlessly falls pregnant. Or quits her job, sells her house, flies to Taiwan, buys a boat, sails to Canada and lives happily ever after in a log cabin.

How are we supposed to feel, the friends ‘left behind’? Excitement? Admiration? Inspiration? What about pure, unadulterated envy? What if our friend’s good fortune brings one overwhelmingly selfish response – summed up by, ‘That’s not fair!’?

The Mind Gym psychologist Danielle Heffernan thinks envy is natural – especially when it comes to friends. ‘We surround ourselves with people who are similar to us,’ she says. ‘They often have the same careers, the same family set up or the same values. They’re our ‘healthy competitors’. So if one has a sudden progression or shoots off in a certain direction, you’re likely to compare her life with yours – and could feel jealous.’

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